Trouble

I had the hardest time renaming my blog.

Ridiculous, because I don't even like that I write in a blog, but I enjoyed the practice of it last semester with my Creativity Strategies class. It was time for "Blocks: Obstacles or Toys?" to be put to rest. I liked the discipline, how I was forced to keep up with myself.

I don't seem to be able to sustain much these days (Hence, current title). I thought about naming the new blog Bouts of Solitude, but that sounded too... pretentious. Or it just gave the wrong impression. Then, I toyed with titles such as "Bouts but Brilliant" and "Bouts and Trounce". But I'm neither self-gratifying nor am I Tigger.





Actual post:::

Reflecting on time in Charlottesville lately. Not dangerous, just misfocused. I need to think of ways to make Athens a home.

AthFest: Last Wydelles show. I felt I was let in on a secret: The song that sounded the most fun was a bittersweet goodbye to a dear, dear friend.

The city seemed to buzz this weekend. A couple of years ago, I would have found hope and solace in this, excited to be surrounded by thousands of kindred spirits searching for music and art and enjoyment. I think I'm losing it. Or that. That sweetnappreciation feeling. I feel like the city was buzzing with alcohol and heat, and I was glad to see the couple of bands I saw. I had no interest in hanging around in it. I got to see several people I know, enjoy, and appreciate. But as a whole, AthFest, maybe Athens itself, feels gross to me. When did this happen??

It's almost like I need to look at the city a little bit at a time instead of seeing it all at once. Like I need to be in my room reading a book and then go to a café to sip coffee and work. But then I forget the social.

The city keeps surprising me. "I feel like going exploring," I'll think and picture streams and trees. Then, the city as I know it chuckles and turns its head to do elsewise.

'If you don't turn your life into a story, you just become a part of someone else's story.' 'And what if your story doesn't work?' 'You keep changing it until you find one that does.' --Terry Pratchett